UFO Land

Hello All:

Somewhere in the multiverse there’s a listing on Zillow right now that says:

“For sale: 3 bed / 2.5 bath end-unit townhouse. Quiet cul-de-sac. Daily 7:03 a.m. saucer flyover included. Churros delivered fresh by orbital drone. Mantis cashier at gift shop speaks fluent HOA. Serious inquiries only; no lowballers, we know what dimension this is.” UFO Land remembers. It always remembers. 😏

UFO Land

You wake up to the low, familiar thrum that rattles the fillings in your teeth. It’s not an alarm clock; it’s the 7:03 a.m. saucer doing its daily low pass over the cul-de-sac. Silver, seamless, the size of a city bus, it hovers just above the rooftops like it’s waiting for the walk signal. Through the bedroom blinds you can see the ring of soft violet lights underneath pulsing in perfect 3/4 time, as if the ship itself is humming an old waltz while it decides whose lawn to park on today.

This is UFO Land. Population: you, mostly.

Downstairs, the coffee has already brewed itself (the Keurig gave up pretending years ago and just accepts the telekinetic suggestions from whatever is idling outside). You open the front door and step onto the porch in your pajamas. The air smells like ozone and fresh churros. A small chrome orb the size of a cantaloupe detaches from the big saucer, zips down, and hovers at eye level. A panel irises open and a single cinnamon-sugar churro floats out on a cushion of air, still hot. Breakfast delivery. Standard.

Across the street, Mrs. Henderson is already on her riding mower, chasing a formation of glowing green triangles that keep rearranging themselves into crop-circle advertisements for interstellar car insurance. She’s waving a rake and yelling “Not in my zoysia again!” but you can tell she loves it. It’s the most excitement she’s had since 1987.

You take a bite of the churro and wave at the saucer. The underside lights blink twice (friendly, curious). Then it tilts forty-five degrees, shoots straight up until it’s a silver speck, and vanishes with a soft pop that makes every dog in the neighborhood howl in three-part harmony.

By 8:15 the sky is busy. Lenticular clouds stack themselves like poker chips. Teardrop craft stitch silver threads between them. Something that looks like a glowing manta ray does barrel rolls over the elementary school, delighting the kids who should be in class but aren’t because the school board officially classified “visitation days” as snow days with better funding.

At the end of your driveway is the gift shop (it wasn’t there yesterday). Neon sign: “Welcome to UFO Land – Abductee Satisfaction Guaranteed!” Inside, shelves of bobble-head Greys, snow globes full of tiny suspended cattle, and T-shirts that read “I Got Probed and All I Got Was This Lousy Enlightenment.” The cashier is a seven-foot-tall mantis being wearing a little green visor. It nods politely when you browse, compound eyes clicking like camera shutters.

You never asked to live here. One minute you were thirty-two, stuck in traffic on I-25, late for a job you hated; the next, reality folded like origami and unfolded again into this place. Your brother’s joke became your address. (He once remarked that you always seem to exist in UFO Land).

Sometimes, late at night, a different kind of ship arrives: matte black, no lights, no sound. It just parks above the house and waits. You feel it looking. Not at the house; at you. Those are the nights you pull the covers over your head and pretend you’re still in the old world where the strangest thing in the sky was a contrail.

But morning always comes, and with it the 7:03 saucer and the churro and the polite violet pulse that says, without words: Good morning, citizen. Ready for another perfect day?

You finish the churro, wipe cinnamon sugar from your chin, and step off the porch into the impossible sunlight.

Yeah. You’re ready.

Welcome to UFO Land. Hope you never leave. Most people don’t want to.