Wednesday, October 15, 2014

BJ Skull

Hello All:
Light bulbs... light fixtures... overhead lights... lamps...
Do you get the feeling I want you to think about lights? This is what I've been thinking about these past couple of days while doing research into haunted environments. It's usually reported that lights flicker or suddenly turn off and then on when a ghost is nearby. It's theorized that a ghost draws the energy from some electrical source to manifest itself into our world.
My thinking; if a ghost can do this, couldn't we, the living, do the same? Couldn't we utilize the nearby energy of an electric light to manifest some idea or thought from our mind into reality?
I began experiment by creating an invisible connection to nearby lights. And guess what! The lights sometimes act strange. Perhaps I'm passing my first test in Haunting 101.
***

Today's featured writing is a happy story. The main character purchases a human skull in one of those "odds and ends" shops that can sometimes be found in a back alley. He soon falls in love with the skull. And they live happily ever after.
BJ Skull
The fireplace mantel in my living room had a morbid centerpiece that was hidden in the dark shadow casted by a large flower vase and stack of books. Whenever people visited, they never saw it—at least they didn’t comment on it. The thing was a human skull that once belonged to a woman. I found it at one of those "odds and ends" shops in a back alley. For some reason, it caught my attention and I immediately found it to be attractive.
"How much for the skull?" I asked the clerk behind the counter.
"It's going for $520. The person who sold it to us claims that it belonged to his great grandmother. No details were provided as to why he had it."
I knew it belonged to a woman. The skull was just so pretty; so pretty, in fact, that I began referring to it as she.
"So she's going for $520? Is there any room for negotiation?" I asked
"Not much..."
I sighed, "I dunno... I don't think too many people are going to come in here and pay $520 for a skull. Would you take $150?"
The clerk looked outraged. "Excuse me? Is that supposed to be a serious offer?"
"Yes..."
"Get the hell out of here!" the clerk nearly exploded. "Come back when you're serious!"
"Oh, but I am serious." I reassured him. "I just wanted to make sure that I got a good bargain. How about $200?"
With that, the clerk walked away and helped another customer.
I so badly wished to touch the skull, rub my hands against the top of her head. And surprisingly, she had very, nice teeth. She smiled at me from behind the enclosed, locked case and seemed to urge that I take her purchase more seriously.
"You still here?" the clerk asked after completing a transaction with the other customer.
"Look..." I began. "Perhaps we got off on a bad start. I'm really serious about purchasing her."
"$520, man!" the clerk interrupted.
"Would you take $300?"
Apparently I must have interested the clerk for he sighed, appeared to think and then answered, "400!"
"310!"
The skull nervously smiled at me from behind the glass, reminding me not to push the negotiation too much if I wanted to take her home that afternoon.
"375!" the clerk shouted. "And that's my final offer."
"Deal!" I agreed.
She was carefully wrapped, padded and packaged in a box. I was reminded that all sales were final.
It wasn't until nightfall that I unboxed her in my family room. You see; there had to be the right moment for us to get properly acquainted. A glass of wine was poured and candles were lit to provide an atmosphere of ambiance.
"You're so pretty..." I softly told her while holding her up near my face. "I'm so lucky to have you."
We sat down on the sofa, and I set her on my lap to face me.
"I don't know what your name was when you were alive." My hands softly stroked and caressed the top of her smooth, ivory head as she smiled back at me so adoringly. Then the name just came out of my mouth. "How about we name you BJ Skull?"
An imaginary illumination surrounded her. She glowed and smiled, seemed to blush upon the name's suggestion.
"BJ Skull; you like that, don't you?"
She most definitely did!
***
I would come home from work in the late afternoon and was sure stop and visit her as she sat on the side table next to the fireplace. Originally, this was where I kept her before hiding her on the fireplace mantel. In those days I'd stand over her, just a few inches away from the table that was slightly lower than waist level. From there she smiled back up at me with her beautiful teeth.
I would caress the top of her skull, "So how was your day? Was everything okay while I was gone?"
She reassured me that all was well, and then seemed to ask how my day went.
"Eh... things were a little stressful today at the office, but I survived."
There was something that I, at first, could not quite understand; a suggestion of something that she could do.
"What? What is it, BJ? Do you have something for me?"
Oh, she definitely had something for me; something absolutely wonderful! But such a shame I didn't know what it was. It would only take time before I understood. For now she only smiled tauntingly at me, like a lover who promised some mysterious gift while enjoying the look of excited anticipation in return. It was strangely arousing for me!
One night I awoke around shortly after midnight and laid there while thinking about the skull in the family room. In my mind I could see her smiling at me, beckoning me to finally accept her wonderful gift. My heart began to beat faster upon the realization of a strange desire I had never felt before. It caused me to breathe faster and shiver out of excitement overload. I raised my fingertips to my forehead and whispered, "No... It just couldn't be that. I need to come to my senses."
I nearly forgot about the midnight episode until two day later when I passed the family room and glanced over at the side table. These she sat, smiling at me, seemingly asking if I had considered accepting her wonderful gift.
I felt a sudden rush of increased heart rate and breathing. This just couldn't be!
"Oh, come on!" she seemingly begged. "You would enjoy it! And I need to do this for you. I like doing that sort of thing."
Confused and nearly ashamed with myself, I turned and walked away. I avoided the family room for the remainder of the day, for I wished not to see her beckoning smile that nearly begged me to do the unthinkable.
But the midnight hour apparently had a strange power over me. I awoke at that time and experienced another episode of morbid desire for the skull. This time it caused me to rise out of bed and strip naked before entering the family room with a full erection. I walked up to the table where she sat.
"You look good!" she seemed to say with an eager smile.
I rubbed the head of my erection on the top of her smooth, ivory skull. Then I gently glided it down her face before moving her over to the edge of the table. I carefully opened her mouth, and then slipped my throbbing, hard dick inside.
She loved it! I knew this because of the way she looked back up at me, seemingly thanking me for finally giving her what she wanted. She made amazing love with me; absolutely wonderful like she promised. And when it was over I was sure to take her back to bed where she lay on the pillow beside me.
And this incident defined the new level in our relationship. Every night I would go to bed with BJ sleeping next to me. Then, around midnight, I would awaken with overwhelming, erotic desires for the skull. As I reached for her, she would mischievously smile while seeming to indicate that she had been eagerly anticipating more. Her beautiful teeth would nibble on the flesh of my erect penis. She pleased me with such sweet pain by viciously biting on the head of erection. Many times I would stuff my entire cock—scrotum and all—deep inside of her mouth. She pretended not to like it, but actually enjoyed every bit of it.
***
At the beginning of this report, you might have noticed my choice words, "The fireplace mantel in my living room had a morbid centerpiece."What did I mean by had?
Well, BJ Skull is no longer there. You see; one night I woke up shortly after midnight with my usual desires for the skull. I was about to reach for her, but then heard strange footsteps out in the hall. The floors are all hardwood which helped create a clicking noise that was followed by a squeak that resembled the sound of old hinges on a door needing oil.
"Click... Squeak... Click... Squeak..."
The sound grew louder and louder until it was evident that someone was at the threshold of my bedroom.
"Who is it?" I called out. "Who's there?"
In walked a headless skeleton that was clothed in a dirty, deteriorated dress. It was the skeletal body of my BJ Skull!
She walked over to her side of the bed, reached for the skull. She secured it in place where it was supposed to be. Then she removed her deteriorated garments before pulling back the covers.
The skeleton was cold and needed my warmth as it crawled into bed and lay on top of me. She replaced the covers so we were huddled nice and warm. Then she looked into my eyes while smiling. I would soon learn of new ways to enjoy great sex with the dead.
The End!


Monday, October 13, 2014

Dji

Hello All:
We visited one of those Halloween City stores over the weekend and picked up a new decoration for our front yard. You see; I was feeling sorry for poor Donna the Unburied. She's all alone in our cemetery and must be subjected to a strobe light throughout the late night hours as she hangs and swings in the wind. She must be lonely. Perhaps Donna needed a friend.
Well now she has one. Check out our ghostly addition that I'm naming Resurrection Mary. She joins Donna the Unburied in our Halloween cemetery. It's an honor to have her, and bit scary to look at late in the evening from the street.
***
As promised, I have a new installment of our Pias the Gypsy stories.
Today, Melanie learns about dji.
Dji
It was a Thursday afternoon as Melanie rode her school bus home. In recent days there had been a new bus driver; a peculiar man who looked and acted very much like Pias the Gypsy. Pias, as you know, had been haunting Melanie in her dreams. And although this man of Melanie's dreams was middle-aged and much, too old for her; he wished to initiate a romance with her—perhaps even make Melanie his Gypsy bride.
It was cool outside; about 61 degrees and cloudy. Most of the kids had their windows shut which made the bus a bit hot and stuffy. At least it was for Melanie. The bus driver was apparently on the same wavelength as Melanie, for
her opened his side window and then glanced in the large rearview mirror at her with a smile. Once returning his gaze on the road, he began to sing one of his strange songs; a Gypsy song—as Melanie assumed—that was in a language that Melanie couldn't recognize. Although she didn't understand a word, she knew the song's meaning. It was a secret message intended just for her. It urged that she had to escape the confinement of her little world that was created by Mother, Father, her teachers at school, and everyone else who had authority of her. She had open the window and climb out. This could also be interpreted, literally; climb out her bedroom window and escape to finally be with Pias the Gypsy.
The bus approached the driveway of Melanie's house. Melanie gathered up her belongings and waited for the bus to reach a complete stop before getting up. As she approached the exit door, the bus driver held his hand out to prevent her from walking further.
"Just a minute, young lady. I have something..." He rummaged through a box of miscellaneous items but apparently could not find what he was looking for. "Hmm... It looks like I forgot to bring it with. I'll have to give it to you tomorrow." He opened the door and allowed Melanie to exit.
What could the bus driver who looked, acted and talked like Pias the Gypsy possibly have for Melanie? Did she forget something behind on a previous ride? Did he, perhaps, have some important documents pertaining to riding the bus?—rules and guidelines? Or did he have a gift for Melanie such as a navaja like the one he showed her in the dream? The navaja, if you recall, was the folded knife with thin handle that Pias said had been given to him by his father as a rite into manhood. Along with this Pias was taught the art of Gypsy knife fighting. Pias also said something to the extent of young women learning this art as well. Did the bus driver have in mind to give Melanie a navaja so she could begin learning the art of Gypsy knife fighting? Melanie was so excited with this fantastic speculation.
"How was school?" Mother rushed over and asked as Melanie entered the door.
"Fine..."
"Just fine? Did anything happen?"
"No..."
"Do you have homework?"
"Yeah..."
"Say yes!" ordered Mother.
"Yes..."
"Can I see your school bag?"
Melanie handed over her school bag and realized that tomorrow she could very well have a Gypsy knife in her possession. She certainly couldn't put it in her school bag for Mother to find. The gift would be considered nearly sacred; a rite of passage into womanhood upon its acceptance. Stupid Mother shouldn’t be allowed take it from her.
"Melanie, how did you miss that?" asked Mother when examining a test with only one question wrong.
"I don't know..."
Maybe Melanie could put the knife in her back pocket like Pias demonstrated in the dream. But then Mother would surely see it as Melanie walked up the stairs. And at the rate things were going, she might have to use it on Mother!
"Well, weren't you paying attention?" probed Mother with an overly-inquisitive look on her face.
"I just missed it, I guess. Come-on, Mother! I got one point off! It's still an A."
"Well it was a stupid mistake, Melanie. You just can't miss silly things like that!"
Melanie rolled her eyes.
"You better get upstairs and start your homework. Dinner will be at six o'clock"
Melanie stamped up the stairs as usual and slammed her bedroom door. It was amazing how Mother could deplete her of all positive energy. Not more than a few minutes ago she was entering the house, excited about a possible gift that she would receive tomorrow. That excitement was soon replaced with the discouraging feeling of being hopelessly trapped; trapped in a life with an evil overlordess of a mother who robbed Melanie of her very soul.
***
Later that night as Melanie slept soundly in bed; she dreamed of standing in her bedroom before the open window. For some reason, the bedroom was dimly lit with a lifeless, depressing tone. This depressing tone might have symbolized Melanie's feeling of being trapped.
Just then, Pias walked through the backyard and up to the house where he stood below Melanie's window. "Hi! He called out.
Melanie cautiously waved.
"Why don't you come down and see me?" he suggested.
Melanie shrugged her shoulders.
"Oh, come-on." coaxed Pias. "You know you want to. You need to escape and leave that world behind."
Melanie said nothing in return; only continued to watch him. Maybe she was wishing for him to convince her to leave Mother and Father.
"I want to tell you something that exists in my Gypsy culture; something called dji. It's an energy that we have. It's shared between family members, neighbors, friends and those throughout Gypsy society. It's your very spirit; your heart, your emotions, your courage and your awareness of being liberated to do and be what you want in life. But there's something else about dji that is very important. You see; when you spend too much time with outsiders—those not connected to the Gypsy culture—your dji can be harmed, even completed drained. Some believe this could eventually lead to death. Don't you sometimes feel this way?"
Melanie shrugged her shoulders.
"Don't you sometimes feel like your Mother and Father are draining you of your very life? If you think about it, they are slowly killing you. They are taking your simple right to live your own life away from you. You need to escape, Melanie. And I'm afraid the only person who can make this happen is you. I am getting too old to be abducting young women to be my Gypsy bride. Years ago it was easy for me to do this with Mira. Remember me telling you about her? I knew she wished to leave her life behind and live the life of a Gypsy. But she was afraid. That's why I abducted her. But, again, I'm getting too old for that sort of thing. And maybe I'm a little wiser, now. Maybe I believe that you should have a choice in the matter and have your own free will.
All I can do is encourage you. Climb out, Melanie. Climb out your window to be with me. If you want, you can jump. I will catch you."
Because this was a dream, a trampoline suddenly appeared below Melanie's window. Pias immediately climbed on and began to jump up and down along the circumference of the trampoline. "Jump out, Melanie... Jump out your window... Escape to freedom... Live the life of a Gypsy..." Round and round Pias hopped. He began to take on the appearance of some animal on a carousel. Then there was the haunting carousel music and the dizzying feeling that Melanie often felt just seconds before waking up.
Melanie woke up and sat up in bed. It was another bizarre dream about Pias the Gypsy. But interesting thing; rather than be frightened and wonder the meaning of it all, Melanie actually got out of bed and walked over to the window to see if Pias was there.
He wasn't, of course.

To be continued…

Friday, October 10, 2014

A Stranger Outside

Hello All:
I really had in mind to complete a brand, new Gypsy story for you which would be another installment of our Pias the Gypsy series. In this series, the middle-aged Gypsy man has been courting fifteen-year-old Melanie to be his Gypsy bride. Nothing wrong with that... I'll let you add in the appropriate answer!
Stories cannot be rushed to make deadlines. I have chosen to complete it over the weekend and have it perfect for you (hopefully) by Monday.
***
A reader wants to know why Bluejacking is done in public places. This is an intrusive communication tactic that involves sending unsolicited messages to nearby cell phones with the use of Bluetooth technology. To be honest, I haven't been enjoying this activity for a while. But, apparently, there are many of you out there who continue. I'll let the characters in today's featured writing demonstrate why Bluejacking is such an fun activity.
Have a great weekend. And be sure to enable your Bluetooth devices to received messages from strangers.
A Stranger Outside
It was a cold, winter's night in January as Mother Nature whipped up one of the windiest and snowiest storms of the season. Jennifer sat on her sofa, alone, in her warm and cozy family room in a pair of comfy, flannel pajamas. This was a Friday evening—the weekend beginning. But due to the inclement weather, it was best that Jennifer remain indoors. Aside from that, her boyfriend had to work the graveyard shift. He was a police officer, and recently volunteered to work the night patrol.
Being alone, tonight, wasn't so bad. Jennifer could use the quiet time, enjoying a few hours of Candy Crush on her Android phone while catching up on some recorded episodes of Cake Wars on TV.
But what was this? Suddenly the lights in the family room flickered, followed by a complete loss of power in the house. The TV screen was now black and there was nothing but dead silence with only Jennifer's Android phone to provide light.
Jennifer sighed, "Of course... a power outage..." On a night like this, such a phenomenon wasn't totally unreasonable; just an inconvenience. As for heat, at least Jennifer's thermostat and furnace had battery back-up. All she could do was sit in the darkness and hope for power to soon be restored.
Jennifer turned her attention to the Android phone, and opened Facebook to update her status. "Great! A night alone with a nasty snow storm and power suddenly goes out."
Just as Jennifer hit "Post", a notification window appeared on the screen. "Do you want to accept 'I Found Where You Live.vcf' into Contacts?"
What was this? Did Jennifer receive some virus or corrupted file from Facebook? She did the only natural thing and immediately selected "No". Then she resumed her game of Candy Crush.
Moments into the game, another mysterious window appeared on the screen. "Do you want to accept 'Your Wireless Network Is Your Last Name So I Know You're In There.' into Contacts?"
This was obviously someone's idea of a sick joke who apparently intended on scaring people. Immediately, Jennifer selected, "No", and then rebooted her phone. Hopefully that would flush out any corrupted file that might be opening the mysterious and alarming windows.
The phone rebooted, and Jennifer left it sit on sofa beside her. How much longer would the power be out?
Just then, a never-heard-before notification alert came from Jennifer's phone. What could it have been? She picked up the device, opened the screen and was slightly disturbed to see another mysterious window on the screen. "Do you want to accept 'Jennifer, I'm Outside Your House & Stalking You Via Bluetooth.vcf' into Contacts?"
"What the Hell????" exclaimed Jennifer. Could this really be true? Originally thinking the message to be some unwanted file from Facebook, Jennifer was beginning to believe that someone was, in fact, outside her house. If so, it was best for Jennifer to go into settings and disable her Bluetooth to prevent any possible tracking. She never had need for Bluetooth, but it apparently served a useful purpose for someone outside.
Jennifer found the Bluetooth menu under settings and disabled it. That would put a stop to someone's sick idea of having fun. Then she opened the phone screen with the intention of giving her cop boyfriend a call. She really needed to hear his voice and feel safe at that moment. Maybe he could drive over and check out the grounds.
But what was this? The disheartening indicator on the upper-right hand corner of the phone informed Jennifer that her network was down. There was no analog or data connection to the cellular grid. The power outage must have affected whatever cell tower Jennifer's Android device usually linked up to.
Jennifer sighed and immediately walked over to the kitchen where the landline phone was mounted to the wall. Sometimes good-old fashioned technology was best to use.
But so unbelievable; there was no dial tone! Just what sort of night was this turning out to be? Electric power had been knocked out, her Android could not find a nearby cell tower to link up to, and now the landline was down? To make matters worse, some creepy stalker was claiming to be outside of her house and tracking her via Bluetooth.
Suddenly, the strange alert from moments before sounded from Jennifer's Android phone on the sofa. It couldn't have been another unwanted message in the form of an incoming file! After all, Jennifer disabled her Bluetooth. She quickly walked over and picked up the device.
"Do you want to accept 'Nice Try! They Have Software For Hackers Like Me To Find Your Device & Enable Your Bluetooth.vcf' into Contacts?"
Fear immediately spiked and surged through Jennifer's veins. This was getting out of hand. Who was out there, and why did this person target her to torment for the evening? With no other choice she decided to communicate with this supposed person outside, using the same media.
Nearly shaking, Jennifer created a contact file with her simple message as the contact's name. The message was simply, "Hello? Who's Out There?" Then, under the options menu, she selected to send via Bluetooth.
The Android phone scanned the surrounding area and reported a device nearby that was named, Outside. Assuming this to be the culprit, Jennifer selected this device and watched as the send notification flashed, followed by a message, "Your file, ‘Hello? Who's Out There?.vcf' was successfully delivered."
Jennifer waited for a moment until a notification window opened on her screen, "Do you want to accept 'It's Me.vcf' into Contacts?"
"Who is me? Do I know you?" asked Jennifer in the next Bluetooth message.
"Do you want to accept 'You See Me Around. I'm Really Interested In You.vcf' into Contacts?"
Who in the world could it have been? Jennifer couldn't think of anyone in her daily travels that stuck out as being interested in her. Was it the guy at the coffee shop? Was it the new coworker down the hall? Both men were good-looking, and maybe Jennifer might have participated in some harmless flirting with them. But they seemed safe—men who wouldn't try to escalate the flirting into something more.
"What do you want?" asked Jennifer in another message.
"Do you want to accept 'I Want You. I Want To Make Love To You.vcf' into Contacts?"
Immediately, Jennifer created another message, "Not sure who you are, but I have a boyfriend. And he's a cop!"
But the stranger outside didn't seem to mind as evidenced by the next notification that appeared on Jennifer's screen. "Do you want to accept 'I'm Not Worried About Him. As Long As He's Not Home We Can Have Fun.vcf' into Contacts?"
Jennifer sighed and quickly walked over to the kitchen phone. She picked it up, but still no dial tone. "Come on!" How much longer would she be without power or communication? This was the perfect night for the stalker outside.
"Do you want to accept 'I See You In There! You're So Pretty!' into Contacts?"
Jennifer ran into the hallway where there were no windows. Where was he? Where was the stranger hiding outside? How Jennifer wished she had been more thorough in closing her curtains. Apparently the stranger outside found a crack and could watch his victim.
"Do you want to accept 'Why Don't You Get Naked & Come To The Window? I Want To See You Naked.vcf' into Contacts?"
Jennifer had to hide! There was no telling what he would do to escalate this sick game of his; especially with a power and communication outage. Quickly she opened the hallway closet door, kneeled down and sat cross-legged under the shelves. Then she shut the door.
"Do you want to accept 'Come On Beautiful! Let's See You Naked! Get Naked Now & Come To The Window.vcf' into Contacts?"
As long as Jennifer remained in the closet, she was safe. There were no windows in the confined space which, of course, meant the stranger could not see her. In fact, maybe he was beginning to have difficulty locating her device with his Bluetooth. Perhaps this was the safest place to be.
Jennifer remained in the confined, darkened area for about ten minutes. Then, another message came through to her phone. "Do you want to accept 'I Love Cookie-Cutter Housing! I Once Downloaded The Floor Plan Of Your Home From Your Builder.vcf' into Contacts?"
What did the stranger mean? What was he hinting to?
"Do you want to accept 'I Circled Your Home & Measured Bluetooth Signal. I Know Where You Are.vcf' into Contacts?"
Shaking, Jennifer typed out a message and sent it to the stranger outside. "You bastard! Go away and leave me alone!"
"Do you want to accept 'You Are Hiding In The Hallway Closet From Me. Why?.vcf' into Contacts?"
Enough was enough! Jennifer finally powered down her cell phone so that the stranger could no longer track her, and then exited the closet. From there she ran downstairs and hid in the basement furnace room.
Several minutes passed as Jennifer waited in the dark, and hoped that power would be restored. It wiped out everything which left Jennifer helpless and defenseless. Jennifer's cop boyfriend sometimes encouraged her to get a gun to protect herself in situations like these. But she strongly opposed gun ownership. Funny... she suddenly wished for one, now!
Suddenly, an unbelievable phenomenon happened with her Android phone. Without pressing the power button, Jennifer's phone started to boot up.
"No! Stop!" Jennifer nearly shouted. She pressed the power button and held it down in hopes that this would force it to cease booting. But the phone was Hell bent in coming back to life to serve as Jennifer's traitor.
Immediately an incoming message came through from the stranger outside. "Do you want to accept 'You Gotta Love RFID Chips. Even When Your Phone Is Off An RFID Reader Can Locate One.vcf' into Contacts?"
RFID chip? What in the world was that? At that moment, Jennifer didn't understand that manufacturers of electronic goods install an RFID chip into each device. These chips include device information, serial numbers, etc; and are usually used for inventory. Within minutes, an entire trailer of electronic goods can be inventoried with the use of RFID chips. And they get their power from the signal coming from a reader which means that a device does not need to be turned on.
RFID chips also serve another purpose! "Do you want to accept 'I Can Access Your Device Hardware Through The RFID & Boot Your Phone So I'm Back.vcf' into Contacts?"
Jennifer sighed and shook her head in disbelief.
"Do you want to accept 'Oh, You Are Now Hiding In The Basement Furnace Room.vcf' into Contacts?"
Perhaps if Jennifer reasoned with him. "What do you want? Why are you doing this?"
"Do you want to accept 'I Already Told You. I Want You. I Want To Make Love To You.vcf' into Contacts?"
Jennifer quickly responded, "But you can't! What you are doing isn't right."
"Do you want to accept 'Just Open The Door & Let Me In Your House. Let Me Make Love To You The Way You Want Me To.vcf' into Contacts?"
Unbelievable... And to make matters worse, the stranger outside was suddenly aware that there was a power and communication outage. "Wow! There Must Be An Outage. Your Whole Neighborhood Is Out! I Also See I Have No Cell Service.vcf' into Contacts?"
What did this mean to the stranger? Surely he wouldn't escalate his game into something far worse!
"Do you want to accept 'It's The Perfect Night For Us To Be All Alone With No Distrubances.vcf' into Contacts?"
Jennifer remained paralyzed and motionless. How she wished she could call the police.
And then there was a knock at the door. "Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock."
"Do you want to accept 'That's Me. Let Me In Your house!.vcf' into Contacts?"
There was another knock at the door; this time, louder. "Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock.”
And then Jennifer waited in the darkness for about fifteen minutes as there was no further knocking on the door or Bluetooth messages. Did the stranger go away? Did he realize that the game was a stalemate and could go no further? Or was he up to no good and working on a new angle to break in the house?
The strange alert sounded on Jennifer's phone. She opened the screen, "Do you want to accept 'I Love Phone Utility Boxes On The Outside Of Houses. I Checked And Can See Your Phone Is Out.vcf' into Contacts?"
Oh no! What was the stranger implying? Surely he wouldn't take advantage of Jennifer's helplessness with no power, phone, or cell phone connectivity.
"Do you want to accept 'I'm Going To Be Nice. Why Don't You Just Let Me In So I Can Make Love To You?.vcf' into Contacts?"
Jennifer's heart rate and breathing increased in fearful anticipation of what might happen next.
Another knock at the door, "Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock!"
"Do you want to accept 'Let Me In Your House.vcf' into Contacts?"
The stranger pounded his fists with all his might on the door, "KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!"
"Do you want to accept 'YOU COCK TEASING LITTLE BITCH! LET ME IN YOUR HOUSE NOW!.vcf' into Contacts?"
Poor Jennifer started to cry. Should she have run outside at that moment into the backyard, and over to the neighbor's house to safety? It would be the opposite direction from the stranger who was pounding harder and harder on the door. It would be much safer than being alone in the house with him where he could do anything he wished to Jennifer.
Jennifer couldn't believe what was happening, next. The stranger decided it was time to kick and barge his way into her home. "SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!"
From the sound of it, the stranger would be in her house in less than a minute.
"SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!" Some piece of hardware broke off from the door. It was Jennifer's queue to get the hell out of the house before it was too late. She left her cell phone in the furnace room to avoid being further tracked by the stranger, and ran upstairs to the back door.
"SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!"
Now at the back door and nearly free, Jennifer unlocked it and attempted to slide it open. But what was this? The frigid cold and ice froze the door shut! She was trapped in the house with no telling how long it would take to force the back door open. Left with no choice, Jennifer ran upstairs into her bedroom and hid in the closet.
"SLAM! CRASH! BOOM!" Apparently, the stranger made his way into the house. "I'm home Jennifer!" the stranger shouted. "I'm home to make sweet love to you! Where are you; you sweet, cock-teasing, little bitch? You've been a naughty girl who wouldn't let me in!" The voice grew softer and muffled as he descended the stairs; obviously believing that Jennifer was still in the furnace room.
"You little bitch!" the muffled voice shouted from downstairs. "You tried to trick me! You're hiding someplace else in the house!" As the stranger ascended the stairs he continued to shout and make one-sided conversation as-if Jennifer could hear him. "That's okay; I know where you are hiding! I don't need a phone to track you! See, I'm smart! I know that when a woman is about to be attacked in her home, she runs to her bedroom and hides! Do you know why? It's because she secretly wants the stranger to make love to her. You're waiting for me, Jennifer, aren't you? You're probably hiding in your bedroom closet and hoping that I find you! It's all part of the cock-teasing seduction that a woman like you likes to do!"
The stranger continued to shout to Jennifer while climbing the stairs, through the second level hallway, and into the bedroom. But what was this? The bedroom window was open with a makeshift rope of bed sheets tied together. It was anchored from the leg of a heavy desk that stood against the wall near the window and dropped outside to the ground.
The stranger looked outside the bedroom window to see in what direction Jennifer had run. But she was nowhere to be found. "Jennifer!" He called out. Get your sweet, little ass back in this fucking house! You know want it!"
"Damn-it!" exclaimed the stranger. "Why does that sweet-ass bitch have to be so difficult?"

Jennifer listened from her closet as the stranger stormed out of her bedroom, down the stairs and out the door of her house. Was it really that easy to trick him? He almost had her. For so many weeks she worked so hard and played the game so well. It looks like she would have to initiate round two.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The True Meaning of Halloween

Hello All:
Cemetery throughout front of house
I thought I would take a moment and share with you some nice Halloween decorations that were set up at home over the weekend. Yes, the home of author Tom Raimbault is now decorated in honor of one of the greatest holidays of the year.
In recent years, my youngest daughter has taken on the project of decorating the outside. This year she's changed the arrangement a bit, as the cemetery is usually on the left corner of the house. Now it's scattered around throughout the front and looks really nice.
And how can we forget the star of our Halloween celebration,
Left corner cemetery. Nice!
Donna the Unburied. Actually, her official product name is Donna the Dead. But we've named her after one of my fictional characters who appears in the story book, Freaked out Horror.
We get a closer look of the left side of the cemetery. Notice how people are warned to beware. Never mind Bachelor's Grove cemetery--one of the most haunted sites in America. This cemetery will have you jumping out of your skin if you are not careful!
Inside the house, my older daughter decorated the various areas of the house to bring in the Halloween cheer. Check out the table that sits at our foyer. See the cobwebs on the mirror with skeletal shadows that are fixed to it? The pictures of old people actually transform into gruesome corpses as you approach from an angle.
Cobwebbed walls
Look at her lovely Halloween tree with orange and purples lights. It's topped off with a witches’ hat. Mice and rats run around the windows throughout the house as seen in a nearby window.
This year the Halloween portal (brought to life with a clock that is encased in cobwebs) was also created by my older daughter. See the cute dancing skeleton garland? And look at the new addition to our decorations--purple candles holders that elevate into a pyramid. My wife really wished I would have waited until we had candles lit before taking the picture. I'll supply another photo once this we have this.

I encourage each and every one of you decorate your home in honor of the upcoming holiday. And in case anyone tries to make you feel as-if you were some sort of evil witch for celebrating Halloween, I'm going to arm you with today's featured writing which reveals Halloween to be a purely Christian holiday. Do not let people ruin your celebration simply because they don't understand!
Witches broom and pumpkins
The True Meaning of Halloween
For many weeks you have surely seen Halloween decorations spring up all over the neighborhoods. Shops and stores have decorated for the holiday. Kids and adults, alike, are shopping and piecing together their cool costumes to wear at parties or while trick-or-treating. But it doesn't stop there! Major candy manufacturers are rolling out special versions of their candies for everyone to hand out on Halloween night. And don't forget the countless pumpkin farms, haunted houses and corn mazes that serve as weekend activities for families.
Make no mistake about it; Halloween is a major holiday in America! The retail forecast for 2013 reveals that consumers will spend an estimated $6.9 billion dollars for the autumn holiday. Of course that doesn't nearly come
Donna the Unburied!
close to the hundreds of billions of dollars that Christmas rakes in, annually. But considering that people don't exchange pricey gifts on Halloween, that $6.9 billion dollars is impressive for a holiday that some people in America would like to think is silly.
If you are like me, then surely you love Halloween. But perhaps you have encountered a few coworkers or neighbors who think you are strange--maybe evil--for celebrating Halloween. Now I'm not talking about people who simply don't care for Halloween. It's not for everyone. Let's face it; orange, black and purple aren't exactly joyful colors. Grotesque costumes, statues and mock graveyards set up in the front lawn might make some people feel uneasy or depressed. But what does strike a nasty chord in me are people who tend to demonize Halloween; even treat celebrators like t
Table to greet visitors
hey will be delivered to Hell in a hand basket upon the moment of death. They seem to believe in some fallacy that Halloween is "the Devil's holiday".
But let's look at the facts! Halloween has historically been a Christian holiday--yes, Christian. Earliest records of this holiday being celebrated can be traced back to the 9th Century A.D, when Christians would go door-to-door on the day(s) before All Souls Day; offering prayers for the recently deceased in exchange for what were known as soul cakes. This tradition might remind you of the modern-day tradition of trick-or-treating. And guess what? That's exactly where trick-or-treating came from.
Halloween is a day that we can find entertainment or even humor in death and of all things morbid. After all, Christians believe in the afterlife.
Check out the Halloween tree!
Personally, I'm not looking forward to dying; but I know that my spirit will live on for eternity. Why should death scare me?
Halloween is a time when we acknowledge the existence of "the other world" and the afterlife. For many centuries, people set up a table in their dining room with place settings, candles--even glasses of wine--for family members who have passed into the next world. The veil is thinnest between the physical and spiritual world at this time of year, and it was thought to be the perfect opportunity to welcome manifested visitations from deceased family members.
Some people might argue, "But Halloween is a witch's holiday."
That, too, is a fallacy! Neo-Pagans do not and never have celebrated Halloween. At this time of year they observe the solemnity of Samhain.
Halloween alter at fireplace.
Some neo-Pagans in America do celebrate Halloween as a cultural festivity. But the religious and spiritual significance of Halloween means nothing to a neo-Pagan or a witch.
When it comes to the wrongful demonizing of this wonderful holiday, I will say that modern-day America can be to blame. For some reason kids are allowed to dress up in bloody costumes with toy chainsaws--sort of like we are honoring serial killers on Halloween. What really destroys Halloween is when people dress up like the Devil. Don't let your kids wear such a ridiculous costume! Why would one want to represent vile evil on a holiday like this?
I encourage everyone to restore Halloween to the wonderful holiday that it once was. Let's bring back Halloween--the real Halloween!

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Salmon Day

Hello All:
Do click over to the main site and check out the special advertisement that has been created for the upcoming Halloween week. It reveals the titles of five, new short stories along with their synopses. Yes, my stories are now complete. I'm simply writing up the introductions which, for Halloween week, can be considered mini essays.
But wouldn't you know it! Although my short story that is inspired by the urban legends of the famous Bachelor's Grove is finished, I've found a discrepancy. Something in the plot doesn't jibe with the time frame of the legend being used. I'm thinking of just leaving it alone and chucking it off as a necessary distortion (something a lot of writers do to make a story work). But something tells me I'll be making some last minute adjustments. Although the Literary World of Tom Raimbault has a lot of fantasy, I still like centering things around facts.
You might even be able to click the image below and see it larger.
***
Today's featured writing is a nice discussion of hyper-dimensional physics.
Salmon Day -- discussion of hyper-dimensional physics
                Soon (if not already) salmon will be swimming upstream for their seasonal mating. This is a phenomenon that has baffled scientists for many years because one would have to wonder why millions of salmon would need to swim upstream to a territory they feel is fit for mating. And the only way they can defeat the downstream current is by jumping out of the water to fly in the air and land someplace upstream, only to do this task again.
                Many bears during this time of year are aware of this salmon practice and wait patiently in the stream for an unfortunate salmon to leap into his mouth. It’s just the luck of the draw and all part of nature. But this crazy phenomenon has given way to a saying that people now use to describe a bad day at work called a "salmon day".
                A "salmon day" is a day that you feel like you are swimming upstream all day long only to get screwed in the end. Now there is a lot going on in a "salmon day". I personally feel the only way a salmon can get screwed in the end is to unfortunately land in the mouth of a hungry grizzly bear. Others take it literally to mean that the salmon gets screwed as in the mating sense. But this is the reason why the salmon is swimming upstream in the first place, so getting screwed in that sense could be a reward! I'm going with the bear theory.
                Anyway, this whole salmon story reminds me of an essay I found years ago by Dr. Michio Kaku titled Hyperspace and a Theory of Everything. I attached the essay as a link if you would like to read it. But in his essay, Dr. Michio Kaku introduces the topic with a carp story.

Hyperspace and A Theory Of Everything
By: Dr. Michio Kaku
                When I was a child, I used to visit the Japanese Tea Garden in San Francisco. I would spend hours fascinated by the carp, who lived in a very shallow pond just inches beneath the lily pads, just beneath my fingers, totally oblivious to the universe above them.
I would ask myself a question only a child could ask:
what would it be like to be a carp?
What a strange world it would be! I imagined that the pond would be! an entire universe, one that is two-dimensional in space. The carp would only be able to swim forwards and backwards, and left and right.  But I imagined that the concept of “up”, beyond the lily pads, would be totally alien to them. Any carp scientist daring to talk about “hyperspace”, i.e. the third dimension “above” the pond, would immediately be labeled a crank.
I wondered what would happen if I could reach down and grab a carp scientist and lift it up into hyperspace.  I thought what a wondrous story the scientist would tell the others!
The carp would babble on about unbelievable new laws of physics: beings who could move without fins. Beings who could breathe without gills. Beings who could emit sounds without bubbles. READ MORE! DOWNLOAD ENTIRE ESSAY BY DR. MICHIO KAKU
                Needless to say, I give Dr. Michio Kaku’s essay five stars! He is discussing the interweaving of dimensions—the theory of hyper-dimensional physics. At some point in our early age, we learn about the first, second, third and fourth dimensions. If one is motivated enough, he or she does some research and finds a little about the fifth dimension as well. But beyond the fifth dimension, things become too unstable to understand. In case the reader has never been exposed to hyper-dimensional physics, or just needs a brief review for this discussion, I have defined the first five dimensions below:
Dimension One: Objects are flat, and can only be have pure vertical appearance.
Dimension Two: Objects are flat, and can have vertical and horizontal appearance.
Dimension Three: Objects are now as we would describe as "3D". Not only can the objects have vertical or horizontal appearance, but they can also have depth or height.
Dimension Four: This is the dimension we live in. 3D objects now have the ability to move with the existence of time; for you see, we cannot have movement without time.
Dimension Five: In theory, this is a place where time and space can be altered. There are walls, but walls can be physically penetrated. Time can be random or spatial as opposed to sequential.
Dimension Six: Is there such a thing? Yes there is! But it involves an understanding of mathematics and a branch of physics called string theory. You and I could not understand it. Physicists have gone as far as (I believe) ten dimensions—possibly a few more. But again, it involves some in-depth, far-out mathematics to just barely grasp it.
But couldn't we simply describe what it's like in the sixth dimension?
Well there is something intereting called the "Frisbee theory". This "Frisbee theory" which is used to describe the fifth dimension can even provides a microsecond glimpse into the sixth.
You see; here in the fourth dimension where we have the element of time to make animation possible; if you throw a Frisbee, it will glide through the air and across—say—the backyard.
In the fifth dimension, that same Frisbee will glide across the air as-in the fourth, but then the act will repeat itself, again and again, onward to infinity. That Frisbee will appear at its initial launch point to glide through and land on the grass, only for the Frisbee to re-appear at its launch point and follow the same path of gliding. I suppose this explains how time travel is possible in the fifth dimension. Which yesterday would you like to return to? There are an infinite amount of them repeating themselves for infinity. And it's probably possible to backtrack to yesterday and then link up to the day before yesterday.
The sixth dimension has a different effect with the Frisbee. You might stand at corner of your backyard near some tree where it is launched and glides across the yard. But this time, instead of the act merely repeating itself for infinity, the Frisbee will be re-launched from random locations of your backyard (maybe even other locations of your neighborhood) for infinity. It will suddenly glide from the roof of your house, from behind the tool shed, from your neighbor's porch—again all of these occurrences taking place onward to infinity.
***
                It has been theorized that the natural forces of nature we experience such as heat, magnetism, electricity etc have properties that we cannot see or understand that are interwoven in higher dimensions. Just like Dr. Michio Kaku's story of an object moving across water to cause ripples underneath for the fish to see, we too experience the forces of nature as simply an effect of something we don't quite understand or see. Imagine what these forces would look like, or what we would see about them in the fifth or sixth dimension!
                Consider a story from the late Dr. Carl Sagan he used to illustrate his point of hyper-dimensional physics. In a two-dimensional universe lived a square. When he came across another square, all he could see was a horizontal line in front of him that represented the one of the sides of the square. As you recall, in the second dimension there is no depth. So those living in the second dimension wouldn't understand a square the way we do here in the fourth dimension.
                One day a visitor from the fourth dimension decided to visit the second dimension: an apple. Here in the fourth dimension, the apple could roll around while nearby observes could certainly recognize the third-dimensional depth and shape of the apple. But when the apple visited the second dimension, all that could be found were horizontal lines that called themselves squares. And all the squares could see was the curved, bottom outline of the apple before them.  

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

A Little Known Fact about Pleiadian Women

Hello All:
A reader wants to know how he can go about finding a Pleiadian woman for Pleiadian sex. I'm sure there are plenty of you out there who wonder this. Let's face it; inter-galactic romance is sexy! But to my fellow earth brothers who seek a Pleiadian girlfriend; I need to clue you in on a secret--a little known fact about Pleiadian women.
Reports from the late George Adamski about how beautiful the space sisters are with their long, flowing beautiful, blond hair leaves much to our imagination. We conclude that these women must be absolutely fantastic!
Semjase
And then we have plenty of modern-day images of Pleiadian woman such as the famous Semjase as seen in the photo. Surely you've seen her in various web searches.
Keep in mind that our Lyran space brothers and sisters (Pleidians, Andromedans, Orions, etc) live for many centuries. Through their advancements in science, technology and health; they’ve certainly learned to extend their lifespan to the point of experiencing abundant health and youthfulness for many centuries. But they haven't mastered everything. They haven't conquered death. And there still remains the age span that limits when women can have children. Yes, just like Earth women, space sisters go through menopause.
Understand that the reports and images that you see of gorgeous space sisters with beautiful, long hair are that of younger women. To distinguish their youthfulness and age of childbearing, young space sisters wear their hair long and natural. After a certain point in their life,
a space sister chooses to shave her head. Yes, she makes herself bald. Rest assured she remains young and beautiful. Have you ever seen an Earth woman who embraces the radical fashion of shaving her head? It's interesting and surprisingly very attractive. It almost gives her a look of purity and of having reached a certain spiritual level.
So if you are looking for a Pleiadian girlfriend, rest assured there are plenty. But chances are very high that her head will be shaven. You will not be able to convince her to wear a wig for you because a shaven head is a highly-respected fashion statement in her space-aged society.
So how do you go about finding a Pleiadian/Andromedan/Orion space sister girlfriend? Simply visit your local park and sit down at one of the picnic benches. Pull out a marker from your pocket and write some graffiti on the table, "Looking for a Pleiadian woman for some hot, Pleiadian sex." Be sure to leave your cell number.
Eventually a space sister will find your message and might text you. "Umm... I'm not Pleiadian, but I am Andromedan. Will that work for you?"
To which you will reply, "Of course!"
It's that simple!
The Sex Lives of the Pleiadians
Lyrans, more commonly referred to as space brothers / sisters, are sexual creatures just like we are here on Earth. Genetically, they are the same as us. And just like us Humans here on Earth, space brothers and sisters are different from the animal kingdom in that sex serves a deeper purpose than to simply procreate.
These are highly evolved people; socially, economically, technologically and spiritually. These are people of magick who certainly understand the power of intimate touch as well as the energetic exchange of orgasmic ecstasy.
As for space sisters, they are nothing less than naughty sex kittens! And their male counterparts are perverts! In one way or another, your typical space brother will think of sex every seven seconds! And they can't help themselves! Space sisters are beautiful and have no reservations in wearing clothing that clearly reveals their gorgeous asses and tits. They love the attention and enjoy knowing that they have driven a space brother crazy. Most often for the space brother, however, his "spank bank" is merely considered filled. He must find a secret place to imagine the space sister who has filled him with so much arousal, and masturbate to finally release all that energy.
Space sisters do plenty of their share of masturbating. For men and women, alike; this practice is strongly encouraged and considered crucial in their overall development. Space brothers and sisters learn what feels good and what they desire through masturbation.
Of course what fun is all that sexual energy without actually having sex with another person? As said before, for space brothers and sisters, sex servers many more purposes than just procreation. And sex isn't limited to just intercourse. It starts off with plenty of French kissing—the very intimate act which space brothers taught Earth women many centuries ago when visiting and having secret love affairs with French and Spanish women. Space brothers are fascinated with Earth women who have olive skin, dark hair and dark eyes. Since space sisters usually have a fair complexion with blond or red hair and blue eyes; darker women are mostly unseen in space. And so while enjoying these darker toned women, space brothers taught them the art of French kissing. (I suppose it was the French who were first known for performing this beautiful act, which might be why it's called "French kissing")
Oh and there is plenty of Australian kissing between space brothers and sisters when making love. Australian kissing is similar to French kissing, except it takes place down-under. Yes, space sisters love having their pussies explored and adoringly kissed and sucked—even having a tongue slipped inside. She usually teaches her male lover of what she needs because every woman is different, and every woman has her own needs.
As for the male, he thoroughly enjoys this activity. He won't limit himself to just oral sex, however. A space brother thoroughly enjoys squeezing and sucking a space sister's tits. He'll kiss her entire body, and sometimes rub himself against a space sister's gorgeous ass. This practice should not be confused with anal sex. This “butt love” is one of the best alternatives to releasing on a female as-if having intercourse.
When it comes to actual intercourse, this act is considered sacred and typically reserved for marriage. However, sometimes, a woman just needs a really, good screw. And there are situations when a space sister is older and past the age of child birthing. Is it so wrong for an older woman to simply desire to be loved and fucked?
A favorite sexual practice between space brothers and sister involves meeting at an isolated location where no one can hear, perhaps out in nature such as the forest. The space sister is ordered to remove her clothes, and is then tied to a tree with ass facing her lover. The space brother then takes a soft whip (delicate enough not to damage skin) and repeatedly flogs his space sister's ass. With every crack of the whip, she screams. Sometimes she even sounds angry. But she loves every minute of it.
This activity is incredibly arousing for a space brother. Eventually he drops the whip, manhandles the space sister in the right position, and then drives his throbbing, hard dick right up her pussy and fucks her like wants! At some point the sadomasochism game fill its purpose, and the space sister is untied so they can make beautiful love. They might choose missionary position, maybe doggy style, or even a favored position in which the space sister straddles her lover to go for a ride.
Space brothers and sisters love each other very much and have great sex together.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Johnny Switchblade

Hello All:
This morning, shortly before my alarm clock woke me up, I was having a most-unusual dream. In it, I was jumping up and then kicking the ball of my foot on the hardwood floor upon landing. I would alternate feet every two kicks; and while doing so I sang a silly song that went, "Bone, bone... Bone, bone... Bone, bone... Bone, bone..."
That's when my alarm clock woke me up.
Why was I reaming that?????
***
It's been a very, productive week for writing. I know you wonder how I could possibly say that with this being only my second blog update for the week. But keep in mind that I am feverishly creating five new short stories for Halloween week. If we're going to celebrate Halloween at the Literary World of Tom Raimbault, then it needs to be done right! We do so in the form of high-quality horror stories. I am currently in the middle of writing story number four. It's my objective to have nothing but ghost stories for you, all written in my trademarked "Freaked out Horror" style.
AND...
I managed to create a new short story for today. I bring you Johnny Switchblade. He's a total badass who carries a switchblade in his back pocket. He has collection of personal nudey magazines, and smokes Kool cigarettes while walking home from school.
***

Have a great weekend. Oh... I wouldn't recommend trying my little dance as described from my dream. I did this shortly after waking up and actually hurt the ball of my foot. “Ouch!”
Johnny Switchblade
Johnny Switchblade is a total badass that you don't want to mess with... at least in his mind he is. Ten-years-old and in fifth grade, he explores his inner, bad self when Mother and Father are out.
"Johnny, we're going to grocery store and will be back in about an hour." Mother announces.
"Okay..." he answers. He sits in the front room as his parents leave and waits for the car to back out of the driveway. When the car is finally no longer in sight, Johnny runs into Mother and Father's bedroom, right to Father's dresser and opens the top drawer.
There's an assortment of items in Father's drawer—sort of a junk drawer of valuables. One of those items is a cloth sack filled with various knives that Father collected when touring the world in his time spent in the military.
Johnny reaches in the bag for a black switchblade and presses the button which automatically releases a four-inch blade. Then he closes the knife and walks over to the dresser mirror where he presses the button again. He definitely looks like a badass as the blade comes switching out. People would know that he means business when wielding a knife like that.
Satisfied, Johnny Switchblade runs into his bedroom where he changes into a black t-shirt, and is sure to leave it un-tucked over his denim jeans. He has a dark-brown jacket that he puts on to highlight the ensemble. Although a leather jacket would have a better effect, the dark clothes definitely suggested that he is a true badass.
Johnny Switchblade reaches over to the bedside radio and turns on his rock station of choice that currently played one of his favorite songs, "You Got Another Thing Comin'" by Judas Priest. This is the perfect moment to whip out the switchblade from his back pocket and dance around the room with it. A tough guy always keeps a switch blade in the back pocket—never the front. While dancing through the room and wielding the knife, Jonny Switchblade fantasizes situations in which he would have to use his knife. If some older kids were stupid enough to try to bully him around and beat him up at the park, Johnny would pull out the switch blade. Everyone would back away because nobody messes with Johnny Switchblade!
By now Mother and Father are probably in the produce aisle of the grocery store and have plenty of shopping to do. Why not hop on the BMX bike and cruise around the neighborhood in his getup with switchblade in back pocket to look for trouble with people who deserve it.
Several minutes later while cruising down a neighborhood street with the wind blowing through his hair and the mind-blowing guitar solo with guttural call of Judas Priest pumping in his brain, Johnny Switchblade feels like a total badass! Nobody would mess with him now.
A ride past the park is a bit of disappointment. There’s no one there. Maybe word hit the streets that Johnny Switchblade is out and looking for trouble. That's right! Johnny Switchblade owns these streets and, people know to stay in their houses.
***
It was a boring Tuesday after lunch as Johnny Switchblade sat in his desk at school. The teacher was giving a lesson on some stupid math problems. He didn't want to be there; hated school.
That's when Johnny Switchblade started to think about those Fredrick's of Hollywood catalogs that he pulled from the kitchen garbage at home. There were about three of them that he hid under the mattress of his bed. All badasses have nudey magazines hidden in their bedrooms from their parents. A guy like Johnny Switchblade needs to look at naked women whenever he wants. But the problem with Fredrick's of Hollywood catalogs was that the women who posed in sexy lingerie weren't 100% naked. Johnny Switchblade wanted to see some bare breasts with nipples and maybe some furry bush down below.
He flipped to a blank page in his notebook and began to sketch a picture of a naked woman stepping out of the shower. He gave her enormous breasts that hung down to her abdomen, complete with juicy and pointy nipples. Her bush was so furry that an army of commandos could get lost in there!
"Okay, so we all understand how this works?" asked the teacher to the class while pointing at the problems on the white board.
"Yeah!" answered the class.
"Johnny?" called out the teacher. "How about you?"
"Oh, yeah!" he answered while momentarily looking up from his second sketch of a naked woman with large breasts lying in bed. "I get it."
"I hope so." cautioned the teacher. "There's going to be a test on this. Try to pay attention."
But Johnny Switchblade was too busy creating his own, personalized nudey magazine with women that were so naked that... that... they were just so naked and pretty! He nearly completed a third sketch of a woman who stood with her round, juicy buttocks exposed. But then he was interrupted.
"Okay, everyone put your notebooks and textbooks away. We're going to have a little quiz on this material."
"Ugh!" cried the classroom, including Johnny Switchblade who was unable to complete his sketch of the queen of butts beauty.
The quiz was passed from the front desk, all the way down to where Johnny Switchblade sat. He looked at the problems, but didn't understand any of them. "Bah!" he thought to himself. When am I ever going to need to do factoring trees?" While all the other kids anxiously solved their problems, Johnny Switchblade wrote random values in the answer spaces without showing any work. This, of course, resulted in him finishing the test early. It was best not to go up and hand it in just yet.
To pass the time away and look like he was still working, Johnny Switchblade drew a little sketch at the upper right-hand corner of his quiz. It was that of a big, bad dinosaur; a tyrannosaurus rex—the baddest dinosaur of them all! And to make him all the more bad, the tyrannosaurus rex soon had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth!
The hand-drawn cigarette caused Johnny Switchblade to think about the high school aged kids who got off their school bus around the same time that he did. The kids were older and much bigger; usually wore leather jackets with denim jeans and had their hair greased back. Surely they were true badasses; for they immediately lit up a cigarette and puffed away while walking down the street.
This is what Johnny Switchblade needed to start doing. Of course he couldn't get his hands on real cigarettes. And maybe it wasn't such a great idea to smoke a real one before going home because Mother would smell it. But he could roll up a small piece of paper so that it resembled a cigarette, and save it for when he got off the school bus. He wouldn't light it. He would just pretend that it was lit and contained real tobacco as he puffed away like the high school kids do while walking home.
Soon the other kids in the classroom began to stand up from their seats and turn in their quizzes. Feeling it was safe, Johnny Switchblade did the same. But for some reason, the teacher was eagerly waiting to see his quiz.
"Wait!" she shouted. "Johnny, come back here!"
Nervously, he turned around and carefully approached.
"Over here!" the teacher shouted. "Come on!"
When finally near, the teacher pointed to the answers on the quiz. "Johnny, you didn't show your work. Why?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know...'
"The answers are all wrong. Weren't you paying attention?"
"I don't know..."
Then she pointed at the dinosaur at the top of the page. "It seems like you are too busy drawing pictures of dinosaurs with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths. I think it's time for me to give your parents a call and set up a little conference."
Soon it was time for the teacher to give her history lesson. She stood up at the front of the class and began to explain to her attentive students, "The colonies felt that they didn't have to pay taxes to the British. They wanted to be their own country that was independent from England."
Johnny Switchblade wasn't paying attention. Instead he hid a small piece of paper on his lap and rolled it up to form what looked like a cigarette. With brown marker he colored one of the ends to look like the filter. With a red marker he colored a small cherry on the other end to make it look like his cigarette was lit. Then he wrote on the body the word, Kool.
Kool: that was Johnny Switchblade's brand of cigarettes because he was cool.
***
A couple hours later, Johnny Switchblade sat in one of the seats that were located at the center of the bus. Although in his fantasy world, Johnny Switchblade was a total badass; but he wasn't bad enough to claim one of the seats at the back of the bus. It was no problem for him. He had a Kool cigarette tucked in the inner pocket of his dark-brown jacket. Johnny Switchblade couldn't wait to get off the bus and puff away. He really needed a cigarette after his hard day at school—all those ridiculous demands put on him to learn factoring, history and junk.
The bus reached his stop, and Johnny Switchblade nearly leapt off. As it rolled away, Johnny reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out that Kool cigarette. While walking down the street he puffed away and occasionally flicked the imaginary ashes on the ground.
All the bigger kids in high school who smoked real cigarettes probably took notice of Johnny Switchblade and thought he was doing the real thing. The probably even thought he was cool.
Before getting too close to his house, Johnny Switchblade was sure to extinguish his pretend cigarette and flick it in the neighbor's bushes. Mother couldn't know.
The End!