Moldy Lemon Acid Trips

Hello All:
I'm running a little behind schedule this morning. But that's okay. I've got a new story for you. Have you ever tried Moldy Lemon acid trips? I've heard that you can really trip your balls off when taking them.

Moldy Lemon Acid Trips

Andrey is one of those—shall we say—entrepreneurs who don't believe in working for other people. To reiterate; this means that he is very much against working a regular job as a source of stable income. Oh, he might get a part time job every now in then if in dire need of finances. But he doesn't stay too long. You see, time is precious for Andrey. He could be using that time to develop his own business ventures.

He's so clever and creative; a real thinker who stays well outside of the box. Take for example the time he mustered enough motivation to clean out his filthy refrigerator that was overstocked with moldy, rotting food. While rummaging through all the stink, and discarding food that had expired over six months ago; Andrey discovered a plastic bag that contained four rotten, moldy lemons. You've certainly heard the wisdom of what to do when life hands you lemons. You make lemonade, of course! But what do you do when life hands you moldy lemons?

"Throw them out."—you might answer?

Well this is what Andrey did when first discovering the bag of moldy lemons. He did so while commenting out loud, "I can't see any use for these. I'd probably starting hallucinating and seeing things with all that mold mixing with citrus acid. It would be a new kind of LSD."

And then a light bulb went off in Andrey's head. Immediately he removed the bag of moldy lemons from the garbage can, and then slammed the refrigerator door shut. Cleaning the refrigerator was now over. It was time to go to work and invent something new and revolutionary that would change the world.

Andrey reached into the sink for a dirty cutting board that had laid there for two weeks. It now had dried up tomato slop and seeds smeared all over it. He would have used this cutting board on that weekend that he thought he would start eating salads more often.

So much for that bright idea! He never used the cutting board, again!

Andrey was about to rinse the cutting board off, but realized that the chemicals from the tomato could very well mix with the mold and citrus acid from the lemons to make a highly potent sort of hallucinogenic acid.

The same knife that was used to slice up the tomato from two weeks ago lay in the sink as well. Andrey used this to cut into the moldy, rotting lemons in an attempt to make slices. Mold, slime and rotting matter squished all over the cutting board. Andrey scraped the mutilated, decomposing matter of all four lemons into the blender. Within five minutes he had a dirty, yellow liquid.

Andrey next went online, and downloaded some poster images of lemon rings. A couple dozen of these were printed up, soon to be dropped into a tray of liquidated, moldy lemons. The freshly-manufactured sheets of what Andrey now called, Moldy Lemon acid trips, were laid out on the countertop to fully dry. They would sit there for over four days until fully dry.

Of course there was no guarantee that an individual trip (small square of paper) of this Moldy Lemon acid would actually get a user off. This is why Andrey sat in his family room on a Friday night and laid a square of Moldy Lemon onto his tongue.

There was a subtle lemon flavor to the square of acid that left a slight tingling sensation to the tongue. Outside of that, the Moldy Lemon trip tasted nasty! It triggered that "shit-eating grin" that might be considered the body's way of urging, "Please do not eat/drink that!" But Andrey disobeyed the warning. He sucked all the juice from the square of paper and even swallowed the paper to ensure he received the full effect.

Andrey sat on the sofa and gazed out the glass patio door at the setting sun. It wouldn't be long before he started tripping. Maybe the sun would melt, or the stars would swirl and dance around in the sky. To be honest; Andrey never tripped on LSD, psilocybin, or mescaline. So he had no idea of what to expect. But within twenty minutes, Andrey received more than he bargained for!

Waves of nausea and cold sweat overcame Andrey that were so powerful that he had to run to the bathroom and vomit. From there he lay on the dirty, tiled floor while marveling at how ill he felt. He did this while staring at the flowered wall paper. And Andrey experienced stomach cramps like never before that were followed by uncontrollable diarrhea and more vomiting. It was necessary to lay cold washrags onto his forehead and neck.

"Ugh... I don't feel good at all!" cried Andrey. I feel like I'm dying..." And that was the moment when Andrey congratulated himself. "This must be some wicked acid! I actually believe that I'm dying! I'm freaking out really bad; tripping my balls off!"

Two days were necessary for Andrey to recover from his trip. This gave him plenty of time to plan the next step of his business venture. He had a wicked acid that people might be willing to pay top dollar for just to experience the same things that he did. But where could he find these people? There isn't a huge population of people walking the streets who are in search of acid.

Now at the time, The Grateful Dead was in the middle of a tour. And this was in recent years when the band continued to perform after the sad loss of Jerry Garcia (just a couple of years before the band officially broke up—to be precise). And it just so happened that the Grateful Dead would be performing in the nearby city where Andrey lived. Everybody knows that dead heads enjoy tripping on acid during Grateful Dead concerts! Surely they would enjoy Moldy Lemon acid trips.

But it would require Andrey to purchase tickets; something very difficult to do being that he had little money. That's when Andrey received another brilliant idea. He used Photoshop along with picture editing software to create a counterfeit ticket for the Grateful Dead. Upon printing it up, Andrey congratulated himself of how talented he was.

Oh, but the people taking tickets at the gate along with security were not fooled by Andrey's counterfeit ticket. "Sorry, sir; but it appears that this is counterfeit."

"Counterfeit??? What??? No way!" exclaimed Andrey.

"I'm afraid it is." answered the security guard. "We can't let you in. You need to make sure that you buy your tickets from reputable sources."

Nearly discouraged, Andrey could only walk away and stand at a nearby street corner where other concert goers with legitimate tickets for the Grateful Dead passed. Perhaps he could try selling his Moldy Lemon acid trips on the street corner.

Andrey inconspicuously stuck out his tongue while pretending to lay something on it—like a piece of paper. He would do this whenever a small group of dead heads passed. "Need some cid... Need some cid..." he whispered."

"No, man, we're okay. Thanks."

After ten minutes, Andrey finally found an interested pair of apparent dead heads. They approached Andrey, and excitedly asked, "Do you have some?"

"Yes I do!" affirmed Andrey. How much do you need?”

"Well is it real?" challenged one of the dead heads."I mean I don't want no paper in my mouth, if you know what I mean! Dudes get beat up pretty bad for stuff like that. We remember what you look like, and then come find you later. So is this stuff real?"

"Hell yeah it's real!" reassured Andrey. "I've got Moldy Lemon acid trips. But you better watch out! This stuff will make you trip your balls off your at least a couple of days."

"Yeah!" exclaimed one of the dead heads. "Now that's what I'm talking about! Let me tell you, I've had Green Curtains, Black Dragons, Bart Simpsons; but I've never tried Moldy Lemons! Hook me up, bro!"

"Sure thing!" acknowledged Andrey. So excited with his first sale of the evening, he reached into his backpack for a small, plastic bag of individual squares of paper. Maybe these dead heads would spread the word so that more would come to find Andrey.

"Twenty dollars!" declared Andrey.

With that, one of the dead heads opened his wallet and presented a police badge. "Sir, you're under arrest for possession and intent to distribute controlled substances."

"What???" exclaimed Andrey. "No!!! This isn't even real LSD!"

"That's not what you said a moment ago." said the other office while placing handcuffs on Andrey.

***

And so children; what does it all mean? What can we learn from this story?

When life hands you moldy lemons; make fake LSD out of it, and then print up counterfeit tickets to a Grateful Dead concert that doesn't include the late Jerry Garcia. Sell that fake LSD to undercover narcotics agents.

Either that, or throw them out!

The End!